


Letters From Reykjavík

by yuuago



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Epistolary, Fluff, Language Barrier, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Unsent letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuago/pseuds/yuuago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the time between the end of the first expedition and the beginning of the next, Reynir writes several letters, and doesn't send any of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters From Reykjavík

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lunarium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarium/gifts).



Dear Lalli – 

I thought about writing letters to you, but in the end, I decided it was better not to. I've heard that personal mail can take months to reach Keuruu. Wouldn't it be funny if I sent you something and it took forever to arrive? Well, not funny, but definitely not what I intended. Maybe it wouldn't even get there until after you left for Sweden.

Then again, I've heard a lot of things about Finland, and I'm sure that not even half of them are true. People here have so many strange ideas of what things are like where you are. I've heard people say that you're all illiterate, that you're half-bears, that you all have six toes on each foot. But that one about the mail sounds like it could be real.

The most important thing is that even if I did write you a letter, you wouldn't be able to read it. I could try to write to you in Swedish, but I'm not very good at writing in it, and you aren't good at reading it. And if I wrote it in Icelandic, you'd have to get Tuuri or Onni to read it to you, and I don't think I'd want to do that. Not with something so personal.

So, um, maybe it's better that I decided not to do this. I'll just write to you like this, in this blank book, and I'll keep it for myself. And maybe, some day, you'll be able to read Icelandic, and I'll show it to you.

I'd like that.

It's been ages since I last saw you. At least, that's what it feels like. Every time I go to sleep, I want to cross that sea and go out and find you. It's a really, really long way, I know. But I bet I could find you. I'm sure I could do it.

But I also know how dangerous it is to go travelling in the dream world. At least, that's one of the things that I'm learning here at the academy. From the sound of it, I'm lucky that nothing horrible happened to me in all those times that I went wandering – I mean, aside from that time with the ghosts that tried to eat us. And that other time with the – well, you know. But even when there was trouble, you were always close by, or Onni was in reach. You were both there when I needed you. If I tried it by myself, though, that might be taking too much of a risk.

I just want to see your face again. That's all. It feels impossible that I'll have to wait for so long. I don't mind, I guess; it'll be worth the wait. But it's so hard to be patient. These months are going to drive me absolutely crazy! I wonder if you're faring any better? I hope so.

Love, Reynir

* * *

Dear Lalli –

I was looking up Finnish magic in the library here. They don't have very many books about it in the catalogue, and I find that odd. I mean, I know you guys are really far away, but you aren't _that_ far, right? You're still part of the Known World. This is supposed to be an academy of magic. Shouldn't they have lots of information about our fellow mages, even if their magic is different from ours? And some of the things that I've seen written down just don't seem right, at least, based on what I've seen you and Onni do. Some of it was outright wrong, in fact.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if you came over here and set everyone straight.

Then again, you aren't the kind of person who explains things, are you? I bet you'd just roll your eyes if you heard any of that stuff. You'd just go back to your work, and let them be ignorant. Explaining things is more Onni's style. I bet he'd love to have a chance to set all of this wrong information right.

I wish you could be here to roll your eyes at me. I wish I could ask you all of these questions that I have about your magic, about how you do it, about what it means to you. I wish I could see you do that thing where you turn your nose up and just _sigh_ because I'm not getting it. Well, I mean, I guess it's not what I'd prefer, but I just wish that I could see you, even if you were annoyed with me. Seeing you when you're mad is better than not seeing you at all.

I keep counting down the days until we'll see each other again. Are you doing the same?

Love, Reynir

* * *

Dear Lalli – 

I don't think the method of teaching that they use here would suit you. I really don't think that you would like it. So much reading, and memorization, and formulas – it doesn't seem to fit what you do at all.

But it works for me, I think. Sort of. It's taking me a while to get the hang of it, but I think I'll get there in time, if I try my hardest. It's kind of like knitting – you need to take the measurements, and do some math, and diagram the design, and mark down the pattern, and calculate how much yarn you need for spinning, and a ton of other things – but once you've done it enough times and you know what you're doing, it's not so hard after all.

I miss your singing, sometimes. Or – whatever that was. The textbooks here call it chanting, but it sounds like singing to me. Maybe it's weird that I'd miss hearing it, since I'd almost always hear it when we were in danger. But it was always dangerous out there – and you were always around to take care of any danger that might come up.

I remember that one night – Sigrun had been injured while she was out with Emil that day. They got into some trouble; I don't know what. Nobody ever told me what happened out there. And she tried to act like it was nothing, but it was pretty obvious that she wasn't doing too well. And that night, when we were all getting ready to sleep, and you were going to leave soon, you sat with her for a while. And you were singing.

And in the morning, we all knew that it had helped, even if she wasn't quite as ready for action as she would have liked to be. I remember how you looked when you came back and saw her getting around so easily – you looked so satisfied and pleased with yourself. But you had good reason to be.

I want to be able to see you looking like that again. This expedition can hardly come fast enough.

Love, Reynir

* * *

Dear Lalli –

I saw someone today who looked like you.

It was while I was out in the city; I didn't have lessons today, so I decided to go out walking. And while I was going down the street, I glanced across the road, and – I saw you.

Well, it wasn't actually you. We both know that. But for a moment, I thought it was you, and I wondered what on earth you were doing in Reykjavík.

I did something stupid. Well, maybe it isn't that stupid, but I think it's pretty stupid. I crossed the street and I started following him, trying to get closer, just close enough to talk to him. Close enough to see him properly. Maybe part of me knew that I was imagining things, but I just wanted it to be you so badly. Even if I knew that it wasn't. Even if I knew that it couldn't be, because if it really was you, I sure would have heard about it; if you were over here, there is no way that you wouldn't have sent me some notice, wouldn't have contacted me in some way, wouldn't have tried to find me in the dream world at least. But I kept following him, wanting it to be you, thinking that as soon as you paused, I'd catch up, and – well, I don't know what.

Eventually, that man stopped to cross the road. And as he turned to look in my direction, checking for traffic, I got a good look at his face. Seeing him from that angle, he didn't really look that much like you at all. The hair colour was right, and he had sharp features like you do, but he really wasn't you at all. I guess it's just that at a distance, I saw what I wanted to see.

That might be when I realized just how much I miss you. I mean, I'm seeing your face even when you aren't here! I'm starting to think that maybe I should try to cross that ocean in the dream world and find you, even if it's dangerous. It might be hard; since our schedules are so different, I'll have to account for time and figure out when I'm most likely to find you. And even then, if I'm unlucky, you won't be asleep. But after all that, I feel like I have to try.

It's been so long, and I miss you so much, and I just want to see your face again.

Love, Reynir

* * *

Dear Lalli –

I guess I shouldn't blame you for being mad at me.

Maybe I would be angry too if I was in your place. After all, I can go to you, and you can't come to me. I understand.

But I hope you won't stay mad forever. It's the last thing I want. Even after I explained everything to you, tried to make it really clear, you still looked cross with me. Maybe after you have some time to think about it, you'll understand.

It isn't like I'd stay away on purpose!

It's okay. It's fine. Well, it isn't, not exactly, but it sort of is, because I'm going to see you soon. Every day brings me a little closer to you. I have all of my travel documents together, and I've been doing pretty well in my studies, and the days are counting down – there are still a lot left to go, but every time I mark a day or a week off on my calendar, I think of you.

...And I think of everyone else, too. I miss everybody! But I miss you the most.

I'll try to come see you again, at least once before I leave. It shouldn't be too hard, now that you've told me more about your schedule. I want to see you again. And I did promise that I would try.

Maybe if I keep that promise, you won't be so mad. I hope so.

Love, Reynir

* * *

Dear Lalli –

You were calmer this time. I'm glad. I guess it's because it hasn't been that long since I last went to visit you. Just a week. A week isn't so bad.

Since you kissed me, I guess I can assume that you aren't mad any more. Or at least mostly not, anyway.

You sounded like you weren't looking forward to the trip to Sweden. Once, Tuuri told me about the trip you two took to get to Mora, and how sick the boat ride made you the first time. I wish I could help you. There are spells I can do to prevent seasickness – I haven't tried them, but they're in the books, and I think I would be able to do them if I tried hard enough. But I don't think that would be any use coming from all the way over here.

I guess all I can do is wish you a safe journey. That's something I definitely can do.

Everything's packed, even though I'm not leaving for a while. Except for my books, I'm all set. It's going to be strange to leave – the academy has become my home, in a way, or at least I've been living here long enough that I've become pretty comfortable. I've made so many friends here! But it just isn't the same as what we had before, when it was just the six of us, and one tank, and the entire world in front of us.

I wonder if we'll get a bigger vehicle this time around, because we'll have an improved budget. That would be great. The old tank was okay – in fact it was pretty cozy! – but it would be nice to have a little more room. And more supplies. And more... everything. I know you all didn't exactly plan to have a stowaway, and I'm still really sorry about that. Even though Sigrun was really scary when you all found me in that crate, I can't blame her for feeling that way. Some day I'll apologize properly for everything, even if she doesn't seem to mind me so much now.

Do you remember the first time we saw each other? The look you gave me! You weren't exactly being subtle about what you thought, even though you didn't say a word and I wouldn't have understood you even if you had. _Who is this crazy person?_ your face said. _Must be troll bait_ , it said.

...I'm glad that didn't happen. I'm glad I didn't die, even though I sure felt like I was going to, when I looked out of that box and saw that I was in the middle of the Silent World, and not in Bornholm at all. And I'm glad _you_ don't hate me.

What we have isn't what I expected to find when I hid inside that crate of tuna cans, but this turned out better than I ever could have hoped for.

Tonight, I'm going to see you again. Well, more like in the very early morning, I'll see you. If I time it just right, then just like I did before, I'll reach you not long after you go to sleep, and we can be together for a little while, just the two of us.

Won't it be great when we won't have to worry about distance any more? I miss falling asleep beside you.

Love, Reynir

* * *

Dear Lalli –

Be glad you aren't on this boat. If you did badly on the others, I can't imagine how much you'd hate this trip. The ship keeps tossing and turning and it's just a little bit much, even for me. No matter how hard I try to get to sleep, my eyes keep popping open. That's why I'm writing to you instead of sleeping.

Maybe it isn't just the unsteady ocean. Maybe it's other things – nerves, anticipation, some other stuff I guess. I'm going to see you again soon. I'm really, really going to see you again soon.

I'm so much better at speaking Swedish now than I was when I last saw you. And if you kept practicing too, maybe it's going to be easier to talk to you when we're awake.

I tried to learn Finnish, too. But it's... it's hard. It doesn't seem like the kind of language you can learn out of a book. But I tried, I really tried. I tried when Tuuri made some attempts to teach me while we were still on the expedition, and I tried again when I got to the academy and had access to so many resources, including books. I couldn't take the textbooks with me, but I took lots of notes and wrote them down in this book, with the letters, and maybe I'll be able to try speaking it with you. Maybe you'll like that, even if I'm bad at it.

Hopefully, some time during this expedition, I can persuade Tuuri to try again. Maybe this time, she'll have better luck teaching it to me. I'm sure it'll be easier with someone to help me, at least, and since I've already tried before.... Or maybe you could do it? We'll be in such close quarters, I'm sure I'll be able to pick up something. It would be nice – I've heard you speaking Finnish now and then, even if you aren't really talkative, and I love the way it sounds. It's flat, but it rolls at the same time. It sounds so nice. I'd love to hear you talk to me like that.

It's too early in the trip for me to be thinking about this. I shouldn't even have it on my mind. There are so many things that I should be thinking about. In fact, I should probably be studying rather than writing this to you. Studying magic, or Swedish. Or I could even read through my notes on Finnish again. But I can't get _you_ off my mind, and that's just how it is.

When I finally see you – I mean, when you arrive in Sweden – I don't think I'll have time to write these letters. Or, well, I guess it's more of a journal, because I don't know if you'll ever actually read these letters. They're written in a language you don't know, one that you probably won't ever want to learn. And something tells me that even if you could read them, if I did show them to you, you'd roll your eyes and say I'm being stupid, or sappy, or –

But even if you act that way sometimes, I know that you care. I can tell by the way you act when we're alone together, and even more. I can tell by the things you say when I'm able to talk to you. And the way you sit close to me in your dream, and put your hand on my hand, and your head on my shoulder.

You talked to me about clear nights, and the way the sky looks in Finland. I'd like to see where you live. I'd really like that. I can't imagine what it might be like in Keuruu. Would I like it there? I really don't know. For now, I guess I'll just have to be satisfied that the sky you're under is the same as mine.

I'll see you soon.

Love, Reynir

* * *

Dear Lalli –

I haven't had a chance to write for a few weeks now. But that's all right, because you're here.

Well, you're not actually here. Not right this instant. It's night, and it's quiet, and we're almost ready to go to sleep, and you left the tank just a few minutes ago. But you're _here_ , you're really here, and I know that I'll see you in the morning.

You know, I was almost worried that you wouldn't want to see me. That you would still be mad at me, like you were when I didn't want to risk walking through the dreams to see you. But as soon as you came in off that boat, and as soon as you passed through and saw me, you smiled at me. It was just a little one, and I wouldn't have seen it if I wasn't looking for it, but I _was_ looking for it, and when I saw that I knew we would be just fine.

It's a lot different now than it was before. I remember the first nights that I spent with you, and with everyone else. Everything was so tense, because things weren't going right, because I was there and I wasn't supposed to be. But now... Now, everything feels right. Tuuri is sitting next to me; she's looking over the map one last time, checking the route that you said you would investigate for her. Mikkel is in the back, preparing the sleeping quarters. Sigrun is talking to Emil; she's laughing and talking about the building she hopes we'll be able to check out tomorrow. She's really excited about it. Lalli, _I can understand what she's saying_! Isn't that great?

What's even better is that I can talk to _you_. I'm really glad that I was able to have a minute with you before you left for the night. Even if it wasn't very much time, it was worth it to see the way your face looked when I asked you, _Please stay safe out there_ , and I could tell that you understood everything.

And when you told me, _I will_ \- even though that was all, it was enough.

I love the way your voice sounded right then, even though you hesitated a little before you said it. I love the way the warm light from the sunset looked on your face. I love the way you smiled, and in fact it was more like a smirk, because you're completely confident that you can handle anything that's out there, no matter what.

I love you.

Stay safe.

Love, Reynir


End file.
